Friday, December 16, 2005 ♥
well,i have had enuff going thru my brains..i have got guilt feelings everytime i see him..him is haziq..yes..tonite i m gonna talk bout haziq..i have been living thru sec1 in fears becoz of him..i remember clearly on that day..it was a chinese new year presentation we choir members had to perform..yar..so..while waiting for our turn..i saw haziq..he was sitting next to khairee i see..more bout khairee later..haziq started playing eyes with me..naturally..i was attracted to him for he was kinda attractive..so..i gave him a wave and we had loads of eye contacts..then that ay ended with a beautiful smile on my face..the next time i saw him..i was in the classroom and he was returning to his after his recess..i gave him a wave and a smile..his reaction was cute..he was like who..me??i was like yeah..then he walked passed my class and asked me kau melayu eh?then i was like yar..could i be a chinese?then he asked for my no. at the end of the day..i said i aint got a hp but he gave me his no...haix..i remember the times..so we were like couples..or so i thought..he made me feel good..feel loved..when he did not layan me i cied..i was crazily over him then..i told myself to get a grip but no..i couldnt..on one occasion..we werent talking..that day he won a prize for soccer thingy and received throphy with his soccer mates..then the soccer boys wlked passed my class..i had just finished opening the windows and turned my back towards the window when someone shouted farhanah...i love you two times..i was like who the heck..when i saw haziq shouting those words..i was like blushing thru and thru..i told my friends that me and him were a couple..then i told izzati that we steaded(is there such word?)on a date i think it was 25 april or march..cant remember..ok..then on day we were out at cwp when we clashed into izzati nyer sis angkat..kak nureen(is that the way u spell it?appologies for wrong spelling)kak nureen was in haziqs class..so..izzati asked her.kak..u in 4m4 rite?then kak said yar y?got admires for boys in my class arh?then izzati pointed at me and said haziq..then i was like shock..we didnt really stead..i was trembling with fear..but i told kak that we broke off already..then it was over..the next few days i was worrying like hell..haziq and i didnt contact any longer..till i found his blog..it said that i was a bitch and immatured and all..i was sad..duh..well..haziq..if u are reading this..i nak bilang u that..why i lied was because u hurt me..u made me think that u were in love with me and all..u did not come true with ur feelings for me..all these lies are just pure revenge..i hated u ever since the day u toyed with my feelings..and with this i make my self clear that wont like my feelings to be toyed..it made me feel used haziq..i m really sorry that i had to lie..it was pure cowardice i am sure..i just wasnt myself unlike the one when i was in pri school..in pri school i was the bully..in sec school i was bullied..i am a coward..the bravery in me got lost when my frens were separated..i wished i was cleverer and went to the same school as them..heck..if i was just a few marks higher..i could join riverside and be with shai..the problem here lies with me..i was not afraid of anyone in pri school except the teachers..but wher has the bravery in me gone?this year is a bad year for me..it bagun with a bad start and i hope next year will be a good one for me..btw..sheikh haziq..kalau u tgh bacer ni..which i dont tink u will..i nak mintak maaf dan harp u halalkan mkn minom i..kak nureen..i am very2 sorry for lying to u..i hope u will understand me..good luck with ur o levels..i wish u luck and hope u suceed in everything u do....ps..khaire is my coir senior..erm..more about him when i have the mood.hopes the bravery in me comes back..soon..love y'all..
