Thursday, April 30, 2009 ♥
i dont know why im acting this way.
its a burden to carry.
it hurts.
i wish i could make it go away.
im tired of all of these.
i cant describe how i feel.
i feel weighted down and smothered.
i feel as if i dont care anymore.
i dont care if you shout and scream at me.
i dont care if you say im late.
i dont care to show my feelings.
im too tired.
too tired to even talk.
i feel cynical.
i feel pessimistic.
the glass is half empty for me.
i dont care to talk about it because i feel as if im raining on your parade.
i feel myself as the wet blanket.
im too tired to say why.
i stand beneath the shower.
and stare into the blank space.
id scrub myself sore to wash all the ungodliness i feel towards myself.
and id cry alone in the walls of privacy.
i feel like screaming.
it hurts,make the pain go away.
i went to bishan library alone.
pretty sight.
i sat in the quiet reading room.
ironically the two mutes who sat behind me were the ones making alot of noise.
with their nasal pitched short laugh.
fuck it.
just fuck it.
i dont feel myself anymore.
its too tiring to give a smile.
i feel so very alone in this world.
♥
Tuesday, April 28, 2009 ♥
i wish sometimes that we were better off.
and i can ask for anything without the guilt of money woes.
and i go green when i visit momsecretpages.bs and see all the wonderful things they buy.
i wish i had a cash flow.
well if wishes were horses,beggars would be riding,no?
♥
♥
i hate going to school alone.
or coming home by myself.
it makes me vulnerable.
it gives me time to think about situations.
role-playing.
feeling distraught.
alone.
i wish i had best friends.
=(
today was a laugh.
from alex LUM-borghini to yuhans hairless bod.
and then i went home alone.
and i sat at marsiling mrt for 15 minutes to read.
shit,this is depressing.
fuck it.
im gone.
♥
Sunday, April 26, 2009 ♥
abangs getting enlisted in september i think.
army.
maybe hell buff up there.
but who cares,hell still be ugly as ever.
and im such a bitch of a sister.
sorry abang.
like youre reading this.
pffft.
anyhoos,maybe hell learn RESPONSIBILITY and HONESTY there.
and then hed pay me my money with his pay and own up to being the stealer of my NUTELLA.
im still hang up over the choc.
nobody steals my choc,nobody.
yeahh right.
today i ate little.
my diet shall consist of protein and fibres and vitamins.
no carbs.
strictly.
so no rice or noodles.
maybe ill concede and just have no rice.
ill be eating more white meat and more veggies.
and try to eat fruit.
i hate fruits.
except watermelon.
i hope this works.
if it doesnt,ill just fling myself out of the 12th storey.
provided if i can get myself up to the ledge with my stomach burdening me.
mama shouldnt have bought the weighing scale.
and i shouldnt have gone up on it.
and i should have screamed much louder.
and start being bulimic.
sometimes i get so guilty about eating that i want to vomit it out.
but itll be so UN-.
i havent been barfing for more than a year.
its just disgusting.
ouh well new year calls for new resolution.
ahahahahhahahaha.
=)
♥
Saturday, April 25, 2009 ♥
pangs of jealousy hit me at the stupidest time.
sometimes it suffocates.
but who knows,one day ill find it again.
schools here.
AGAIN.
i need to revamp my cupboard.
major shopping is a tick.
please,those who owes me money,return asap.
i neeeeeed more clothes.
i guess im back to the diet.
fucklah.
i dont like to sweat.
i wish i got money to go for slimming sessions.
hooo boy.
lets see how it goes.
♥
Friday, April 24, 2009 ♥
i googled myself.
and out of so many searches.
i found 3 related to me.
and i found the old blog of mine.
time p6.
goes to show stuff dont get deleted properly in the net.
keh.
later meeting ahmad.
♥
Thursday, April 23, 2009 ♥
im such a lazy slob for not updating.
i dont even have a reason not to.
im tired lahhh.
so monday was start.
went to school with syam.
home with idah.
tues went school alone.
homed supposedly with syam but he deserted/pai tao me.
%^$#@.
then ive been going to school alone.
home with anyone willing.
i wish ahmad got into sp.
then same course.
then can go home together.
and school together.
life sucks.
and splib allows you to borrow up to 15 books.
but wth,books tak gerek.
later i join library then you know.
i keep urging them to buy new books.
school is overall okay.
lectures fine.
tutorials too long.
rita is fun.
wed eye peoples clothes and go
eeeyeeerr extra like that.
too much.
high heels too slutty.
ahahahaha.
so tmr school is 12-3.
then train to civic to see ahmad for help in POA.
confusing dokkk.
then train to admiralty for tuition.
think ill be giving summary to them.
hmmm.
keh aku off.
♥
Saturday, April 18, 2009 ♥
i opened the cupboard where i hid my nutella only to find its empty.
and i was cursing like mad.
fuck lah,tu breakfast aku siaaa.
then i took out my shampoo only to find its like almost gone.
@!^&^*&^.
i hate it when people use my things.
yes,i buy my own shampoo and dont share it.
coz i know if i were to put it for all to use,itd be gone with a blink of an eye.
and my nutella.
fuck lahhhhh.
i have abang as my suspect.
and hes denying it.
knnccb.
ya lah,deny like i dont know youre the liar you are.
you think im mama is it?
i know you lah.
crap uhhh.
i want my nutella back.
my breakfast/lunch/dinner when i dont have food.
and u freaking owe me money.
im mad.
Expectation is the root of all heartache- William Shakespeare
♥
♥
so had my orientation this week from mon till thurs.
it was fun while it lasted.
MONDAY
went to school at 9.
reached mlt12,scared but i gave my what-the-hell-im-bored face.
caught the eye with a malay girl classmate,smiled.
blah3.
played whacko and goodmorning game as ice breaking.
dismissed.
waited for idah for about 2HOURS.
went home.
TUESDAY
reached school at 9.30?
norita didnt come.
hanged out with maryanne.
talked to the chi girls.
played games.
ouh,my school has a bowling alley.
played bowling.
checked out the jacuzzi,sauna and steam room.
blah3.
played eyes with an ITE guy.
ahahahahaha.
went aunts place.
went home.
WEDNESDAY.
reached school about 130.
heard talks by seniors and graduates of DBA.
feeling2 inspired to study.
started feeling feverish.
went off by 4+.
met izzati at cwp for dinner.
slacked,talked,ate.
joined by an,sarah and zul.
reached home by 8+.
called ahmad on my hp.
told him about my facebook quiz on how much of a minah are you.
i got 100% pure minah.
wth kann.
so he went fuyoooo minah seyyy.
and i was like.
kau apesal siaa?tak hepi kaper?
tak hepi leh turon ah skarang.
ahahahhahaa.
and we laughed and i made a hole in the middle of my pants.
gosh.
ahahaha.
THURSDAY.
flag day.
was feeling sick already.
reached school by 7.
assembled for the gong thingy ceremony.
walked tu buona vista.
collected money.
a very nice lady donated 10bucks.
a very bongok lady thought i was from MENDAKI and didnt want to donate.
didnt collect much.
went back school.
counted the money.
i collect 29bucks.
pathetic siaa.
then met teacher.
then went of to convention centre to meet idah.
waited for her for 1HOUR.
but muhi and asyraf teman-ed me.
then we went for SP FOP party.
ate refreshments.
laughed ALOT.
then queued up outside the doorway.
kept asking random ppl if they knew what they were queueing up for.
made an indo friend,Adinda-call-me-Dinda.
she was like party girl maut.
and i couldnt see anyone wearing tudung.
felt like minahtudunggonehavoc.
ahahahahaa.
so entered,being first 200,received 5buxdining voucher for PH.
so placed our bags.
Dinda got a kate spade bag which made me go green with envy.
sheikh haikel emceed.
first two acts were band performances.
first song was power rangers.
ahahaha.
then they started mosh-ing.
i got dragged.
my tudung got stucked,pulled it back.
i then push2 people.
ahahahahah.
i kept screaming.
havoc apeee.
then settled down.
there was a dance mini competition.
and girls won.
one of them looked like shabana.
she was nicknamed shabana-gone-wild with her gelek.
there was encore.
got out by 7.
i forgot about my sickness inside the party,but started feeling it when we went off.
FUN uhh.
the next day aku slack at home.
okeh arhh.
nxt week start sch ready.
i now know how to find my classes but not the blocks.
rita help me please.
=)))
im done.
slamat malam all.
♥
Monday, April 13, 2009 ♥
i cant believe i dropped my phone into the fucking toilet bowl.
and i cant believe i dug it out after a 3 second lapse.
and i cant believe i said fuck out loud in the toilet.
and i cant believe its still working.
but i cant really hear the people talking to me.
and it went bonkers before it went alright.
and i waited for idah at SPs mcds only to meet her at mrt and make our way to cwp to eat ljs.
and i cant believe my classmates are so boring with sooo many ugly cheena.
ahahahhaa,im a bitch.
i cant believe my timetable,school starts everyday('cept for thurs and fri) at 8 and ends at 5.
with only 2 hour break in the middle.
its gonna be a tiring semester.
and i dont know what to wear tomorrow.
only second day and im out of clothes.
i need jeans,more jeans.
preferably black and grey.
i need cash.
my cash flow has just started.
but i need them now.
and i cant believe wps called me only to say they got the wrong farhanah.
and i only know norita.
bleachh.
i want msl back.
=(
fatimas ugly with her mane.
glad she didnt win.
♥
Saturday, April 11, 2009 ♥
dear god,i cant believe im crying coz marjorie got booted out.
i somehow knew it was gonna be her.
and when she started hugging analeigh,i cried.
analeigh is bestfriend material.
she cared about marjorie when m was drunk.
hee.
♥
♥
same schools since pri.
first person.
cake with the bent candle
blow before song ends.
cut,cut,cut.
the best one.
i love him.
hot stuffs,especially zul.syafiq needs a doze of my fats.im willing.are you?
fave people.
i love her very much.
zuls oversized nikes.
zuls endless strumming.and singing.
upskirt voyeur.i cant stop laughing.caught in the act.
im tired,while waiting for boys to have fun.
birthday babe.
night time.
its the best i could choose from.hit me if you need the pics.
=)
♥
♥
Firstly,
HAPPY 17th to NUR IZZATI BINTE ABDUL LATIFF!!
that done.
so yesterday,was the celebration.
siti was a no show and i wanted the nuggets.
hmmmmm.
she didnt pick up when i called,didnt sms even.
so then we,idah and bday girl went ahead with the picnic to sbwg park.
so reached,complained about the heat,found a shelter,ate some hotdogs and took pics.
we were so pathetic coz we didnt bring mats,drinks or evenchilli sauce.
so then when the time came,i went off with the excuse of buying drinks for them.
told idah to keep her busy with taking pics.
met up with the boys at the bus stop,arranged candles,went off.
so then i carried the cake and the boys surrounded me.
came to the shelter,the boys serenaded izzati.
not successful though.
ahahaha.
ate the cake,talked took pics.
gave izzati her card.
and omg,she cried.
then zul picked up his guitar and sang jiwang while i patted her shoulders.
heees.
boys went off to play soccer.
i followed later,
judged a sexy contest between them.
i was the only clothed one among them cause they were all top naked.
zul won cause his butt looked ultra sexy to me.
ahahaha.
sent idah home.
izzati and me got caught in the rain.
played water goggle and big fish small fish.
kekek mautt.
fun.
boys went off for mandi laut.
me and izzati left,talked and played psp.
boys came back by 7+.
tired,we started packing up.
went off by 8.
ate mcds,went off by 9+.
i reached home at 10.
bathed.
crashed.
i slept with the remnants of zuls guitar playing in my head and i dreamt of syamsi.
a big shoutout of thanks to syamsi for being there for me when i needed him and for everything.
sayang hardcore kat kau.
=))
so thats yesterday.
today went off with family without abang to brunch at little india.
we ate at this pretty cafe called house of briyani.
no prizes for guessing what we ate.
it was deeeelicious.
its such a cute cafe with french(?) slow songs playing in the background.
then we trained to marina to go marina barrage.
it was soo hot.
basically,theres not much things there.
nothing uhh.
its hot though.
not an ideal spot for picnic-ing.
bleahhh.
went home,crashed.
and im up.
♥
Wednesday, April 08, 2009 ♥
you know that youre in deep shit when even lying on the bed with your laptop in front of you gets so tiring.
and you laze about doing nothing but thinking and you stink when you have not had your morning bath.
and when the funeral at the next block attracts your attention that you study the people and wonder what they are thinking about.
and when the slightest noise draws you to the window and you look out and watch the world go by quickly.
and you wonder what in the world am i doing stuck here,staring at these four walls.
and when you look at your cell,only to notice no one is texting you or giving you a call or even replying to your messages.
and then it starts to clear up.
you are bored and only anticipation is your constant drug.
and comes anticipation also comes despair that what you expected wasnt what you have gotten.
and you feel disappointment welling in you heart.
and you start relying heavily on youtube for pranks like "I Get That A Lot".
and when you start laughing and want to recommend it to others,no ones there.
because youre all alone.
this is depressing.
Go On Girl-Neyo
♥
♥
i have been repeating myself like a broken record that i aint got no life.
dear god.
if i could count the number of times id said that in a week,it be more fingers than id have on my hands.
i keep telling abah,
bah,i got no life uhh.
and hed reply me with a
who told you to quit.
yeah whatev dad.
i borrowed 4 books yesterday and i have already finished 3.
wtf!
i need to learn to read slowly.
id stay up till early in the morn just to finish reading.
damn.
i cant wait for tmr so i can shop for food.
i cant wait for fri,so i can go out and take pics.
i cant wait for next mon,so i can go to school and get pocket money.
im just looking forward to the money.
the kachings.
hehh.
id just translate that post for shu hui and jo.
basically its my daily routine of waking up and cook and all.
nothing much.
why oh why do i not have kachings.
i wish i work.
bahhhh.
♥
Monday, April 06, 2009 ♥
i have got so much to write,i dont know where to start.
my bebehs becoming lagging.
fuck it.
so on fri,had tuition.
it was okay i guess.
they kept grousing about syllabus change but i said to take it slow.
i hope this gig works cause i need the hard cash.
i got a free mc meal.
still fat.
got back from the tuition at 10 after meeting with bestfriend at her place.
teevee taknak kalahh.
reached home,ma said she was craving for ice cream.
since the shops were closed,
abah and sissy and me went 7-11 for ice creams.
i got myself a milo one.
spent the weekends at mas workplace helping her prepare for MOEs visit to the centre.
i drew a cow and a horse.
the cow had a scary face and the horse had a fat body with short legs that reminds me of mak ayam.
ahahahaha.
bitch alert.
yest was again,AWKWARD!!!
didnt talk much,kept sleeping.
but i talked to ezzati!
i missed those times.
but then again,i hate pri school.
told her tales of my work days.
and she kept laughing.
=)
today,went shopping with abang for his graduation clothes.
bought work office clothes.
i cant believe i tricked jo.
it was very lame.
yet i kept laughing.
nevertheless,thank you jo,for giving me a laugh filled night.
=))
♥
