i would like to say.
a happy belated birthday.
to my best freind eversince primary school.
and that i regret not making time to call nor send a testimonial to her.
and that i wish her all the best for the upcoming days of her life.
so.
happy belated 14th birthday to Nur Ezzati Binte Shaiful Bahri

ps. i hope you freakingly read my blog and tag me when youre done.

with love,
fana. :)

so today i am fasting.
1 down,four to go.
so.
today class was quiet.
i missed zul's singing.
wahaha.
ahmad had no guy friends.
tsk2 poor guy.
so today.
i spent my after school time shopping.
so i went to cuseway with noridah.
went popular to buy pens.
went to chameleon to buy hairband-the retro type one.
went to civic centre to buy fatin's earring and a fluffy stud for my self.
bought two rings also.
all in all.
i spent about $12?
around there arh.
like totally seh.
so.
now im sitting behing wee peng.
i chose to sit alone.
ms chiu was alright with it.
so.
yar.
tomorrow there is this concert i am going to.
with choir arh.
but.
i have got like no baju to wear.
like total bullshit arh.
mama wont buy me baju.
ouh well.
ill find something to wear.
today.
buka time for me is 7.11.
if not wrong.
so maybe i sleep.
or do homework.
yar.
so.
daah for now.
wait i want blog the poem i created on ezzati's bdae.

My Last Suicide
As I slit my wrist
And feel the blood trickle
I feel my pain oozing
and it too, prickle
As I cry my heart out
And swore vengeance
I forswear my life
Though I'm not a tragedian
For this is the last
I swear it is
And this will be the end
For me atleast
I'm not craven, no
But its the most I can take
This is a caprice though
For you showed I'm a big fake


so. done
so.daah.

you know.
i got the news.
why you are like total bullshit.
might as well you dont talk to me just because i have pimples on my face.
because jijik marh.
or maybe u dont want talk to me because i have too long an arm.
because u find me cacat.
like total crap seh.
haiyoh.
then u rather seek for love than ask for forgiveness.
bodoh nyer jantan.
excuse me for my language.
u go around looking at her like some sick puppy.
with eyes action nak attract.
then come near her step macho.
widened your shoulders to give false impression that your chest is broad.
in front of her you act as if you are gentleman.
but in class bezanyer macam langit dgn bumi.
you are just some two faced hypocrite.
like totally.
and one day.
im gonna make you fall.
like totally.
fuck you bitch.
ok im sorry.
i got $2 from yang sheng yesterday for helping him do his art.
i must save money to buy presents for everybody.
fuchun pri-ezzati,saf,sha,haz,tiara
mrslg sec-fiqah,izzati,siti,idah
i think i buy clips for everyone.
haha.
ouh fatins bdae coming.
i wan go outing with all cousins lerr.
ouh yar.
i love pe nowadays.
we are playing volleyball.
nice nice.
my service is okay.
my digging can be perfect.
and my swerve? is okay larh.
im ready to play.
vollev volley.
:)
yar i think thats all for today.
daah.

i hate you you little *******

so.
had maths and home econs test today.
home econs.
haha.
we were doing the test in the kitchen.
the tables were like facing each other.
so i was sitting one side.
then afiqah was sitting the other side.
so i was like sheepyish.
and yes i copied.
wahahaha.
so sue me.
i ws like siakk arh camner nak buat.
then i was like ehem.how?
then she let me copy some and i let her copy some.
so all in all.
i couldnt tahan my laughter.
my body was shaking as i was supressing my laughter(eh?grammar btol tak?)
and afiqah was like biting her pen to stop laughing.
how i totally hearts my classmates.
i found out that guo jiong is nice to talk to.
hehe.
especially bab mknn.
he was lke the pizza got lot of cheese better arh.
then i was like yar.
and he was like tchr give not enough cheese.
i was lke yar.
and he rant on and on about how this pizza looks nice and all.
i ate my pizza.
it was nice.
but i think prata pizza is like so budget.
its like we dont have enough money to buy a pizza crust.
ouh well.
today at central square.
you chuen,my partner,got punished.
and i turned my back to face him.
and i did the flapping of hands thingy.
and he was fuck you arh.
sorry beb.
nyehehe.
i just returned from shopping at the shops nearby.
bought conditioner,checked price of facial foam and bought two other items.
i spent around $8.40.
its okaylarh.
since i lost my mood to eat during recess.
:)
ahmad owes me $2.
for calling me something.
i am quite happy about it.
yay!
so tml will be the day i resume choir.
like hell.
mls norh.
im lagging behind in my school work.
looks like i will not be sleeping tonight.
AGAIN.
so.
i think that it.
wont be blogging for next few days.
see first.
so.
daah

"The Anthem"
It's a new day
But it all feels old,
It's a good life,
That's what I'm told,
But everything, it all just feels the same...

And my high school
It felt more to me
Like a jail cell,
A penitentiary
My time spent there, it only made me see

That I don't ever wanna be like you
I don't wanna do the things you do
I'm never gonna hear the words you say
And I don't ever wanna,I don't ever wanna be

You
Don't wanna be just like you
What I'm sayin' is
This is the anthem
Throw all your hands up
You..
Don't wanna be you

"Go to college,
A university
Get a real job"
That's what they said to me
But I could never live the way they want
I'm gonna get by
And just do my time
Out of step while
They all get in line
I'm just a Minor Threat so pay no mind

Do you really wanna be like them?
Do you really wanna be another trend?
Do you wanna be part of that crowd?
Cause I don't ever wanna
I don't ever wanna be

You
Don't wanna be just like you
What I'm sayin' is
This is the anthem
Throw all your hands up
You
Don't wanna be you

Shake it once, that's fine
Shake it twice, that's okay
Shake it three times, you're playing with yourself again

You
Don't wanna be just like you
What I'm sayin' is
This is the anthem
Throw all your hands up
Y'all got to feel me, sing if you're with me
You
Don't wanna be just like you (just like you)
This is the anthem
Throw all your hands up
Y'all got to feel me, sing if you're with me
Another loser anthem (Whoa-oh)
Another loser anthem (Whoa-oh)
Another loser anthem (Whoa-oh)
Another loser anthem...!

today is not good.
started off badly.
after flag raising had to follow ms chiu back to her staffroom.
had to collect my books that were confiscated.
like wat seh.
then ms mos talked to me about choir.
she disallowed me to quit.
another bad thing.
no more free tuesday and thursday.
ill find a way to get out of it.
i dont care.
so gurpreet told me to do this thingy.
so here goes.

5 things you might not know about me:
-i cry if i lose a friend.
-i chose random aquaintance to be my confidante.
-i like listening to problems
-i have a thing for my brother's clothes.
-i treasure kinship and friendship.

5 food i like:
-nyayi's cooking
-nenek's cooking
-mama's
-banquet's
-anything that requires me to use chopstick :)

5 things i want to change:
-stop being a chorister
-stop being a crybaby.
-stop smiling at people i dont like
-stop borrowing clothes from my brother...buy new one larh
-stop being lazy.

oklarh.
enough.
i decided that today's post would be long.
so.
ever had this occassion when your friend.
your best friend that is.
treats you nicely one day.
but like a total stranger the next?
i know i have.
im having it now.
lets see.
my bestfriend(one of them all)
treats me like i have done a certain mistake.
a big one.
but when i look at him.
he tries to evade me.
you know the i-see-you-looking-at-me-but-i-hope-you-will-look-away kind of feeling?
so now i get fed up with waiting for you to explain.
now i am just counting the days till you say.
i'm sorry.
two words.
im sorry for all the things i have done.
im sorry.
so now thats that.
i shall stop now.
daah.


bloody romances-
leads to bloody heart and face,
and some big tears too.

it is like the world,
has ended on our love thus,
dividing us back.

my heart stopped beating,
you stopped talking as you bade,
me goodbye again.

some haikus i made.
enjoy

im taking a while to update.
seems that my parents's plane has been delayed.
they will land at around 4.
so now i am at home with syafiqah.
for syaf. cant go follow us to airport.
so i temankan larh.
haizz.
things i do for cousins.
:)
haha.
ok so today sucked.
not so larh.
i was disruptive in class.
and i could see the annoyance in ms zhang's face.
and i lied to mr phua.
that i couldnt see at my place.
so i had to share place with izzati.
and i dont like my form teachers arh.
haiyoh.
i think thats all for today.
wont be updating for next few days.



you left me stranded on the island.
you left me gasping for air.
all in all i just have to say.
i dont like you at all.
i think only.

i go funfair!!
i got henna!!
on my hand!!
menyesal seh tadi tak amik faris do my hand.
he do like pro seh.
and his voice.
fuyooh.
sexy arh.
wahahaha.went with syafiqah.
saw cikgu asmidah.
so.
daah.




i bade you goodbye.
you never turned.
you cared not.
you remebered not.
i guess this is the last.
or is this just the begining?

im sick.
like i have flu,sore throat and blocked ears.
nyayi offered me go doctor.
but i dont want to.
im scared of getting mc.
lke tml mama and abah coming home.
abah is botak redi.
i can imagine him redi.
and its not a handsome picture.
i want go fair later.
but tk sempat.
if i could skip madrasah kan bagos.
but mama said not to.
i couldnt sleep yesterday.
i keep on making poems in my head.
and coughing too.
i cant hear properly.
i hate this larh.
i want go doctor.
eh if i go doctor kan,then i get mc,then no need go madrasah kan?
then i can go fun fair.
bagos2.
maybe larh.
i want to be a lit. tchr arh.
lit lights my life.wahaha.
ok thats funny-lame.
maybe i want to be a commedianne.
then when i make jokes.
that are like LAME.
i'll laugh at it myself.
then when i see no one is laughing.
i will say paiseh paiseh.
like cute kan?
oklarh.
i want go doctor arh.
i dont want any mc.
im saying gdbye to master bedroom.
i guess this is the last.




i smell your perfume in the wind.
i see your shadows in my dream.
i think of you at all times.
every ring i hope will be yours.
so is this love.
or infatuation?

ok.
so i ordered the class photo already.
i lost last year's.
so.
this year's i thought will be ugly.
for its taken under the hot sun.
but ms zhang said my smile was the best.
eh?
i forgot.
i know she said something my smile.
hehe.
ok i really got to stop praising myself.
its like i have got this thick skin.
ok so the class photo.
i bought the small one.
its quite cute larh.
only guo jing's seating spoil.
he sat slunted-ly.
ok.
so.
my picture.
oklarh.
but i like facing more towards josephine.
because i dont want to be the middle.
anyway jo is like taller than me wat.
so the pic looks great.
ok.
on wed.
went escape with cousins.
got there ard 11+.
then.
went haunted house first.
siakk arh.
that one not scary seh.
only arh the ghost keep stalking us.
and i was like screamming my lungs out.
the guide was laughing.
wat larh he.
jannah was so cowardish.
she kept pulling my tudung and blouse.
so we got out of the house screaming.
my bro was screaming too.
once i got cornered by the ghost.
i pushed and screamed my way out.
wat a psycho path.
so the rides.
was like so gerek.
i took the wet and wild.
three times.
and my jeans was wet through.
then took the boat swinging thingy(viking eh?) to dry my clothes.
nghehe.
so i saw aiman,muhaimin,rasyid and a friend of thiers.
i still cannot get his name.
so i heard them like scream during the 360 degrees ride.
so like perempuan.
then today min asked me best tk?
then i was like siakk arh.
korg pekik cam prmpn seh.
then min said it wasnt him.
it was rasyid.
wahaha.
i like the 360 dgrees ride most.
its like ever so fun seh.
gerek bangat.
bought candy floss.
it was bigger than my face.
then after taking the ship i got totally dizzy.
so $2.20 later,i emerged from burger king with a large coke.
the coke made me burped.
burped alot.
i bought two of those.
so i was like burrrrping.
yummy.
so.ok.
dah habis.
ouh yearh. i wan go watch click and my super ex-girlfriend.

oklarh.
i update for noridah larh.
so.
ok.
done.

so.
today was boring.
like total seh.
lower sec are supposed to watch others play captains ball.
while upper sec watch concert.
never mind.
this years concert quite boring arh.
no band.
so..its alright if i missed it.
went up secretly to watch johan sing.
he sing quite nice arh.
but i like the part when his classmates came up to him.
gave him flowers and asked for autographs.
cute kan?
so today.
is the eve of national day.
the eve of noridahs bdae.
the eve of the day i go escape theme park with cousins.
the eve of 9 August 2006.
the eve of everything.
so.
i think im getting bored.
insearch of new skin.
so.
daah for now?

rite.
so people think im like a big merajuk.
like hello??
(this is the part wher u are supposed to say hello back.)
merajuk is when u dont speak for like weeks.
so im keeping quiet so that i wont shoot my mouth.
shoot with vulgars youd think i memorised from the dictionary.
so its like i need time to cool off.
so.
next time you can ditch me off again.
instead of watching scary movie 1,
why not u borrow my dodgeball and watch it together with ur mates?
no need follow me do art and homework.
between these two.
many would agree to dodgeball rite?
so wats wrong with kicking me aside to watch a show kan?
nothing laar.
relax.
go watch.
have fun.
while id be the geek whod do everything.
ouh yearh.
after having fun,you can like COPY from me.
like hey.i can do your homework.
for FREE.
so i think thats it.
im just angry.
so
daah.

seriously?
i want this to stop.
i think that blogging is bad.
you think no one knows what you are writing.
but someone is reading it.
get what i mean?
never mind if you dont.
i see this problem as a triangel.
i am the meeting point.
one side is them.
my new friends.
the other side is them.
my old friends.
the new and the old.
its like a war between two.
and im like the middle fence.
and i have to stop the war.
but i kind of do not like the weapons used by my new friends.
so im more of an unbalanced fence.
tipping more towards my old friends.
so.
i dont know.
im sure no one understands this post.
im being falsafah-tic.
i seriously have got no idea what that word is in english.
so.
daah for now.

stop blaming me for something i did not do.
stop saying the faults mine.
stop behaving like a backstabber to me.
stop being hypocrite.
stop lying to yourself.
and i totally.
have to stop crying.
shit.
daah

today was not good.
i repeat NOT good.
but it was better with help from my pig.
my pig.
i reallly like her.
no.
cancel that.
i love her to bits and pieces.
ee pheng i love you larh dey.
so today was okay a little.
only after recess it sucked thoroughly.
i made a poem during history class.
its not good.
but its nice.
the theme is on friendship.
i started writing from 10.45 to 11.05.
so here goes.


You dropped me off,
Like an atomic bomb.
Only this time-
It's out of the group.
Surprised everyone,
Like in Hiroshima.
Only this time-
It occurs to me alone.
I shed tears,
And not blood.
Kiling my insides,
But not my life.
Thought of suicide,
But have no guts.
I'm just afraid-
Of perishing in Hell.
I guess this is it,
It's the end.
Between you and me-
It's no longer there.


The frozen world
The undying love
The broken lake
The dead girl



so how was it?
ok not?
thats it for today.
i need a shoulder to cry on.
anybody?
ouh.
i need a year supply of tissues.
please?
daah.

yesterday.
received a call from them.
my eyes watered.
like seriously?
i am such a crybaby.
that time i cried till i got asmathic.
i couldnt breathe.
so.
today.
was a bad day for me.
it was not good.
im falling out with them.
i cant balance well.
im quitting choir.
i dont care.
as much cca points i might get.
im quitting it through.
i had enough.
i think thats all for today.
waiting for jannah to come here.
then later go do art again.
daah for now.



i cant take this anymore.i feel like giving up.im cutting myself up.goodbye world.ill miss you.

Siti Nur Farhanah.
Seven-teen.
211092
I don't smile at strangers,especially female.
I burrow my soul in books for they are my place for escape.
Talk to me and maybe I'll listen,or maybe I'll zone out if you're boring me.



Farhanah Mohd Alik

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