Sunday, May 31, 2009 ♥
this post is highly depressing.
sometimes i wish i could change "you".
someone who would really care to know me.
someone who i could share my secrets with, without crossing over the imaginary line.
someone whom i could brag about and make my girlfriends jealous.
then again,you are you,no matter how much i wish and hope and dream.
at times i wish you could stop harping on all my shortcomings.
i wish you could give me time to spread my butterfly wings and take flight.
because i know i can.
i am that positive in myself.
just give me time.
i wish and wish and wish.
if wishes were horses, wouldnt beggars already be riding?
i only you were there for me.
if only..
on a tiny note,neither bright nor dark,
im gonna get ideas done and over with.
yay?
i miss my bffs.
izzati and ahmad and idah and syamsi.
like oh so crazy misses.
texting ahmad nowadays is like texting a number no longer in use.
pfft.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009 ♥
im now at jurong's lib.
i'll be doing accounts here until im done.
i think uhh.
these few days have been really funny for me.
im practically giggling everyday.
yesterday was fun..
eh ahmad? eh idah?
sighh..
if every lecture was like yesterdays,i'd die a happy soul.
damn,his voice is sexyy.
ahahaha.
and im like such a sicko to smell him lah.
ahmad's gonna get sick listening to me talk about mr sexy.
today lun fei went down the stairs in heels causing me to giggle with tears in my eyes.
ahahah.
rita is soo funny also lah.
when lecturers are quieting us down,shell whisper to me "THATS ENOUGH!"
like alex lum like that.
ahahahahha.
im getting jelak ready with school food.
im so lazy to travel to eat mcds.
bleachh.
told jannah he fuzzy wuzzy thing.
and its so funny lah.
i keep going nooooo,not like that.
and shed go tell me the answer ready lah!
okey im done.
MOBs done!
yessarr.
my name on your lips.
whisper.
Monday, May 18, 2009 ♥
omg!
my bff has a phone stalker luhh.
and his phone stalker was a person i once knew.
like please sey,he soo do not like you lah.
hes just being gentlemanly by replying to you.
i was on the phone with ahmad for 1h22mins.
and we had a music quiz.
ahahha.
menyempat.
idah!!!
your mouth so masin siaaa.
my eyes now puffy cause of you.
pffftt.
MOB tmr.
fuck!
Sunday, May 17, 2009 ♥
hooomygahhh!
ever read eminems lyrics?
especially those dedicated to his daughter?
man they're sad and sweet all rolled into one.
hailie's song is soo sweet.
and the last paragraph made my eyes teary.
and i cant believe im listening to him only now.
hahhhhh.
im done with MOB.
god!
finally siaa.
and my stomach ining is burning.
im so hungry.
♥
eminem's mockingbird has such touching lyrics.
and its so sweet how he has a tattoo of hailie on his arm.
i think tattoos are so cool lah.
provided its pretty and not those mat2 bawah block style where their tattoos are so fugg.
i like those from miami ink one.
MOB is a fucking bitch.
♥
basically,when im not blog-hopping to young couples with childrens' blogs,i'd be you-tubeing.
and nowadays its stuck on xia xue lahh.
im watching girls out loud on youtube.
where xia xue and roz host this reality teevee show.
and its damn funny.
quote from an episode on blind dates,
roz asked her blind date who is a writer of love clinic self help book,what should a man text his gf.
and he said "It has been scientifically proven that sugar dissolves in water.So please don't go out in the rain too much because i can't afford to loose someone as sweet as you."
omg lahhh!
its soo corny yet so sweet.
i immediately texted ahmad that and i laughed when he replied
"oh,that is so sweet"
kekek or whoaaatttt??
and i learnt that singaporean men propose to their girlfees by asking them,
"so,what type of HDB apartment would you like"
i didnt know..
i thought it was the universal,bent down on one knee and asking
"would you marry me?"
so next time someone asks me that question i should know what to reply.
you know how very gundu i can be.
im,like, THE gundu queen on earth.
and ive been reading xiaxue's blog yesterday.
and i dreamt i was her.
my!!!!
gave me a fright to know i was bimbotic.
scary you knoww...
like where in the freaking hell did my brain cells go to?
although i wished i could get her job.
shes like THE celebrity blogger.
she gets paid to freaking blog uhh.
like fun kann??
the other ''famous'' or rather semi-famous blogger ive known is jason pereira.
like wthh??
that too jan told me to visit his blog.
hes like THE critic lahh.
and its funny!
an di should stop with the in caps.
ahahaha.
okay2.
today i went to wheelock's staabucks for group project.
which i totally did not do anything 'cept facebooking and drinking mocha frappe.
though i did contribute on the research work.
then mrt-ed bck to woodlands to meet syamsi and izzati.
but my train was delayed due to a family feud that went out of hands in the same cabin as mine.
and i tell you,singaporeans are kiasu to the max lahh.
i see people go all out to look at what happened.
i dont really know what happened,'cept i think they boarded the train at toa payoh.
and on the way to the next station,they argued and shoved each other.
very MALU right?
imagine if your family had a fight in a public place.
thats like airing dirty linens.
what would foreigners think of singaporeans.
what would singaporeans think of their own people??
scary huh?
so ate dinner,went home and i basically surfed the net.
and its 3 in the morn.
why cant it be 4?
then i'd sing gwen stefani's song.
CRAP!
ahahahaha.
alright,im getting back to youtube again.
nights all!
or rather morning all!
Thursday, May 14, 2009 ♥
truth is..
ive never forgotten.
i texted bestie yesternight.
told him some stuff which shocked him.
overdued.
but hey,its still there.
i cant forget the feelings ever.
i have regrets of course especially the lies.
my mind keep filling up with "if only,"
i remember some incidents.
i remember the ribbon that came off your trophy.
i remember smiling and giggling like the young girl i was.
then reality intrudes.
it didnt happen did it?
i could only hope and dream.
my first love,even though unrequited.
and my major embarrassment that made me wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole.
and i had fond memories as well as bad.
i dont claim to still love you.
i claim to unforgettable memories.
you still play in my mind like a broken record from time to time.
i wont intrude now.
i look for a brighter future.
so heres to you,my first ever love.
may i forget everything bad and have a better prospective.
for thats all i could give.
Monday, May 11, 2009 ♥
i heart neyo many2.
he can sing to me every night and i wont get tired of him.
im into hip hop and rnb now.
not really in tune to rock anymore.
hmm.
i heart neyo more than i heart you.
=D.
Sunday, May 10, 2009 ♥
i feel as if im an outcast.
you came home,you hugged her.
you didnt even hug me.
you wont even really let me 'salam' you.
you left me your bags.
and i carried while you and your daughter held hands and walked.
i walked behind you.
i felt as if i was the maid.
and you were my boss.
and you wont even talk.
you always give me the face.
the 'im-sick-of-seeing-you' face.
i feel as if i dont even deserve your love.
you made him get pissed off.
probably because you gave him the exact same face as you gave me.
shit,i know im not filial.
i know im not religious.
i know im not everything you want.
but im born to you.
all those nine months plus you carried me,doesnt it deserve a little of your love.
yes,i doubt your love.
yes,im skeptical.
yes,im human.
i have feelings.
you go about and introduce me as your 'sister'.
and id go haha,but denial much?
and when you get huffy and leave the house,banging the door,you slam it shut.
just like the door to your heart.
and when you get angry with me,you bring her out.
youre parading about that you love her more.
im sad.
im hurt.
and i cant fucking do anything about it.
sometimes i resent her.
i used to be the one you dote one.
the only girl you could play dress up with.
but eversince she came,your love isnt split equally.
and i go on and on and on about how you dont love enough.
and youd say i compare you to other peoples mom.
but dont you compare me to other peoples children too?
yes,ive stolen from you many times.
yes,ive lied to you many times.
yes,ive cursed you may times.
but arent i human?
arent i a fucking shit of a human who fucking needs love enought o fucking make me feel fucking fan-fucking-tastic?
fuck it.
ive become vulgar.
ive become more of a classic of a 'minah'.
i dont even know who i am.
i dont even know if this home is home or not.
i finish school and go wonder about alone.
to avoid going back to this 4 walls again and again.
im fucking upset.
this aint cool.
this is the fucking pits.
shit.
♥
"what in the world was that?
-Moo
Dont you mean Oink?
No,Moo is pork in Thai."
--------------------------------
i just finished watching uptown girls on youtube.
it made me cry.
dakota made me laugh.
its a good show.
jesse spencer is one sexy brit.
sigh..
and when he sang molly smiles,it was heartfelt.
i wish dad was a rockstar.
=)
♥
i dont think im getting that job.
fucklah,fucklah,fucklah.
no one can feel as fucked up as i feel right now,unless you are of the same situation as me.
or worse.
mom went batam yest.
didnt wake up to send her off.
i got to lie on the bed and read for so long without abah scolding me.
thats why i love him alot alot.
so started the day with folding three rounds of laundry.
i can cry looking at the heaps of clothes.
and my pile of clothes is so little.
abah had the most.
bleaccchhhh.
met jan at shing siong(however you spell it,still the same shop)
we bought,a giant packet of lays,2tubs of ice cream and 2 bottles of coke.
and went 7-11 for ruffles.
went home and watched material girls and legally blonde2.
and we munched and drank and ohhhh.
i just lost a kilo and i think ill gain it all back.
its okay.
maybe ill die of diabetes or high cholesrol or something.
but its okay coz i'll die sooner or later.
went nyayi's house in the eve.
they had murtabak and naan.
i didnt eat.
i was doing poa which made me 'vomit blood'.
reminded me of abahs china co-worker.
ahahahaha.
so then gave up.
nyayi offered rice.
damn,my gramma can cook.
soo sedap lahhh.
went home and crashed.
today abah got called in for work.
so im babysitting fatin and doing my homework.
school starts ALL over again tomorrow.
shit man.
it doesnt feel like school but it is school.
at least theres lecture and ill see patinson..
i think ive figured what to wear.
ive been wearing my clothes again and again.
but its okay.
reuse and recycle kan?
i need a vest.
tau.
i wanna know kan,
can i have a 17th surprise party.
ill act surprise,i swear.
ive practiced my surprise face in front of the mirror everyday.
=))
Thursday, May 07, 2009 ♥
im now at bishan.
i dont know why.
maybe im attracted to the library like a bee attracted to a flower.
and maybe after getting bored of this one,id go to another library.
so far i think ive covered 1/2 of the library in the north region.
that makes yuhan wants to smack my face.
yuhan showed a display of randomness by calling me and showing his middle finger.
thanks yuhan.
i appreciate it alot and i hope it made you happy.
i think im myopic.
im having headaches and my eyes are in pain.
ive yahoo-ed myopia symptoms and i have checked that i do have blurred vision when i see distant objects.
why me???
when i get a job,i wanna go shopping at junction 8.
he smiles like pattinson.
and he has beautiful teeth.
the things i observe.
sings archuletta's crush.
=)
im not liking dba/1a/02 seating at our rows during lecture.
thats why when i get the rows,i turn around and give them one big giant SMIRK.
im queen of smirk.
bow to me losers.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009 ♥
paracetamol,ibuprofen,aspirin,tylenol.
somehow panadol isnt strong anymore.
hmm.
maybe im getting a job.
i know i shouldnt get my hopes high.
the pays measly.
but ill still get the extra cash to spend.
jurong west.
asst. tutor.
i love guys with sexy voices.
turns me on.
hahahaa.
=)
Tuesday, May 05, 2009 ♥
jobseeking once more.
im thinking sales assistant or tutor.
i dont know.
i need the cash.
help me.
please?
i dropped bebeh and i screeched.
of course it was due to karma for my bitching about lil miss naughty.
bebeh's fine.
thanks for asking.
now darla is another matter.
im thinking of no more darla anyways.
keh bye.
Sunday, May 03, 2009 ♥
this is my third post for the day.
im so sleepy.
keh g'night y'all.
pack my bag,iron my clothes,SLEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPP.
im done with zbrush.
my models like a penis.
fugg penis.
atuk says it looks like a clone of something.
yeah?
who cares.
keh.
nite bitches!
i should stop with the vulgarities.
its so unsightly of me.
but who gives a fuck aye?
ahahahahockhockahahahock.
keh see an and zati tmr.
eat BKs.
an says ive got swine flu.
you sweet talker you.
hahahahahockhockahahahhahock.
keh i wanna go to sleep.
slamatzzzz.
who never say slamatzzzz no balls at all.
ahahaahahahockhockahahahahhock.
♥
wouldnt it be nice if i said
"today you sent me home";
"today we held hands";
''today you told me something i wouldnt forget'';
"today we had so much fun singing in the rain";
"today we became one"
wouldnt it?
sigh.
i absolutely adore happy endings.
and thats why i read.
to feel and see the way peoples life get perfected.
i respect writers.
i once had a dream to be a novelist.
if only my imaginations could run wild and far and soar like a bird in the wind.
with no regrets nor fear nor anxiety.
if only.
im hoping to see my future with a better perspective.
i hope all my wishes and dreams,all will come true.
for even if they don't,i know i tried my h-h-hardest.
that said,i try to move on.
i try to feel as much as i can.
i wannabe.
♥
today pops told me that moms gonna go on hols next sat.
with aunty.
shes going batam.
i dont like her going on hols without somebody.
even johor with the neighbour is a nono unless she brings me or somebody related by blood.
pffffft.
so next sats cooking will be on me.
spaghetti?
pizza?
tom yam?
see lah mood and see lah fridge got what.
JANNAH!!
MAU SLEEPOVER NOT?
MAK KAU TAKDE PERR.
aku cook,kau clean.
supply coke ah.
keh go.
zbrush is being a mighty bitch with pms.
why uh?
i dont know nothing bout designing.
madrasah today was good.
funny.
we had a class pic.
semangat.
Friday, May 01, 2009 ♥
with a new holiday comes new beginnigs.
crap.
hah.
anyhoos,ive unlocked my blog.
too lazy to sign in everytime.
so thats it.
had pizzas for dinner.
and kak wani said she wanted to stop tuition.
then now i no money lah.
wait for abang to give my money back is like waiting for singapore to snow.
or for me to go thin.
not possible.
ahahahhaha.
so thought of getting a job soon.
see first,
let me get my situation in order.
still sales-oriented.
i cant wait for relief coz its too late.
somebody get me hoobastank- so close,so far.
all that im dling is spoiled.
!@#$%
