Sunday, May 10, 2009 ♥

i feel as if im an outcast.
you came home,you hugged her.
you didnt even hug me.
you wont even really let me 'salam' you.
you left me your bags.
and i carried while you and your daughter held hands and walked.
i walked behind you.
i felt as if i was the maid.
and you were my boss.
and you wont even talk.
you always give me the face.
the 'im-sick-of-seeing-you' face.
i feel as if i dont even deserve your love.
you made him get pissed off.
probably because you gave him the exact same face as you gave me.
shit,i know im not filial.
i know im not religious.
i know im not everything you want.
but im born to you.
all those nine months plus you carried me,doesnt it deserve a little of your love.
yes,i doubt your love.
yes,im skeptical.
yes,im human.
i have feelings.
you go about and introduce me as your 'sister'.
and id go haha,but denial much?
and when you get huffy and leave the house,banging the door,you slam it shut.
just like the door to your heart.
and when you get angry with me,you bring her out.
youre parading about that you love her more.
im sad.
im hurt.
and i cant fucking do anything about it.
sometimes i resent her.
i used to be the one you dote one.
the only girl you could play dress up with.
but eversince she came,your love isnt split equally.
and i go on and on and on about how you dont love enough.
and youd say i compare you to other peoples mom.
but dont you compare me to other peoples children too?
yes,ive stolen from you many times.
yes,ive lied to you many times.
yes,ive cursed you may times.
but arent i human?
arent i a fucking shit of a human who fucking needs love enought o fucking make me feel fucking fan-fucking-tastic?
fuck it.
ive become vulgar.
ive become more of a classic of a 'minah'.
i dont even know who i am.
i dont even know if this home is home or not.
i finish school and go wonder about alone.
to avoid going back to this 4 walls again and again.
im fucking upset.
this aint cool.
this is the fucking pits.
shit.

♥