Monday, July 27, 2009 ♥
its funny how life works,does it not?for a while,i was real high up.then the next moment,barely 5 minutes im crying out.nowadays,i can't burst out crying like real crying.i always cover my cries with a laugh though my eyes water.i feel so... fake.why?i cant even be myself when im alone.the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones,but words can never hurt me" does not ring true for me.i welcome sticks and stones over words.last time,when people teased me,i'd cry.then i'd tell myself,get immune.hurt back.but fuck it.it doesn't work.deep down i still hurt.i still am pissed.i still cry.i don't dare cry anymore because nobody would know what to do.my tears are worth much.if making it fall excites you then,that's that.im gonna have myself a good crying jig.



i got myself a job.income.

♥





Sunday, July 26, 2009 ♥

while most singaporeans are watching the match between singapore and liverpool,i was busy watching Harry Potter and The Order of Phoenix.is there a "the" before Phoenix?Anyways,FINALLY uhh.so,i was quite peeved with some parts.like how they don't show the part in the hospital where they saw Mr Weasly and Gilderoy Lockheart and the Longbottoms.and how Dumbledore used the fountain people during the aftermath of the battle between him and Voldemort.gaah.that was why i didnt wanna watch it.Harry Potter movies are always offtrack with the story.if i was the director,i'd be creating the movie,word by word and chapters by chapters.to my heart's satisfaction.yes,im a HP freak.i love them.okay,anyone has the series?Can lend?i promise to take care.i wanna read all over again.
please?

and i'm finding a partner to watch HP with me.i HAD someone in mind,but the person is currently nursing his very humongous ego streak and i don't wanna bother about him anymore.Syamsi?too bad izzati is off coz she's not a HP freak.i'd confirm go complaining about how this part and that isn't in the book,and she'd go huh???HP is BEST okay!!!wait for mama to treat me is like waiting for me to get a boyfriend.so long lah.not that im looking for one.no time.im too selfish to care about another.

EC's test tomorrow.alah,anyhow je.

WHEN I GROW UP,I WANNA LIVE IN A NICE CONDO.WHERE THERE ARE SWIMMING POOLS AVAILABLE FOR ME TO DIP THROUGH EVERYDAY.and for me to see flabby angmohs.we'd probably make friends and compare each cellulite and stretch mark we'd have.

♥





Saturday, July 25, 2009 ♥

I HATE YUHAN!!!FUCK HIM!!he won me in biotronics.fuck lah.do you know how long i took to get to that point?huh huh huh??ass.im so upset that this may make me not play biotronics anymore.im a sore loser.i so fucking admit it.grr.




you don't quite care about our stagnant condition do you.its true then.you have never cared enough to get pass your fucking image.so be it.


HOLY!IM PISSED!

♥





Friday, July 24, 2009 ♥
i hate fucking ugly mats who come to the library and make a nuisance of themselves.they'd make loud fake coughing sounds and then laugh it off with a loserish loud giggle.they'd do that just to show their friends how cool they are when we all know they are just making a huge fool of themselves.its laughable to see them act like their primate cousins in the zoo and then act as if they are fucking high and mighty.they'd button their shirts to the top and wear a cap in the sheltered zone.as if its blazing hot in here.wear a head scarve instead to cover that bed head yourself.

i cant stand fucking stupid singaporeans who don't behave properly in the library.they won't talk softly and would be obnoxious enough to reserve a table for themselves while they go off to lunch.excuse me,but didn't they say no reserving of seats.and to think that so many of singaporeans are degree holders.what?they cant be illiterate if they got their degrees.

i hate secondary/primary school girls who are fucking wannabes who go to the library and act cool.they'd be hanging out in the young adult section and start "doing their homework".please.and everyone knows they're just looking around for cute guys to ask for their numbers.and half of this kids are fucking ugly.they'd shave thin their eyebrows and fold their skirts.socks too long?pull them down.well,been there,done that,but no,i dont hang around in the library to ask for guy's numbers.kids nowadays are atrocious.don't their parents cane them anymore?

i hate it when a person's mobile rings and they forgot to switch it to silent mode.once is of course,forgiven.but twice and consequently?thats just mad irritating.and their ringtone ain't thos top hits songs,its those polyphonic ones.please,welcome to the new era where you hear beautiful sing-along songs when your mobile rings.

i just hate people who abuse their rights to the public library.no wonder the security guards are getting bitchier.security guards are making an irritating practice of going around and shushing people who are speaking ever so softly.what do we do then?hand signals?

fucking singaporean faggots should die.especially those mats and minahs.

♥





Thursday, July 23, 2009 ♥
whenever i listen to paolo's last request i'd get weepy.i dont know why.but i really do.

theres this insect in my room but i dont know where.and its making me irritated and frustrated and pissed!its disturbing me when i am playing biotronic.while im facing the screen,it'll play its "medly" song.i heard somewhere crickets make that buzzing sound as a form of mating ritual,to call out to their mates.in this case bug,im not your mate.your futile attempts to entice me to your puny body is so not needed for a)i'd crush you no matter how much i weigh and b)insects turn me off.anyhoo,when i face my laptop,it starts cricking.but when i turn towards the source of sound,it stops!my oh my!a clever bug?i hope so because im seriously pissed.i even stopped my quest to get to level6(which i did!!!but died again.fuck.) to stare at the place where the bug could be located.and i even banged on my cupboard doors and shuffled through the clothes.but nopes,no puny bug found.so turned off,i plugged in my ear piece.aaahh.bliss..

♥





♥
okay.bloggers gone a little loony.the post page is funny.i dont know what im saying.im not IT savvy.

currently,my life is being reduced to playing taiti and cheat in school.ouh,and listening to my phone's mp3 player during lectures and zoning out during tutorials like econs.

i dont know why,but when i fast, i like to see people eat.and im fed up with school food.how come the malay food stalls do not serve piping hot dishes but when i see the chinese eat their wantan noodle and their fish noodle,it has steam coming out from their bowls?well,i wanna have that too.

and thanks to jannah,im addicted to biotronics.though for the life of me i couldnt digress why.im always stuck at level 4 but i made it to level 6 one time just now with no idea how.and i spent about 2+ hours in the library yesterday on our laptops playing FB games.yes im addicted to FB.and jannah is a sore loser and will show her competitive side if you get a higher score then her.im so gonna type A-Z faster than you.i'll practice everyday.and im practicing biotronic.watch out.

♥





Wednesday, July 22, 2009 ♥
somewhat my black eyeshadow doesnt look black.it looks rather shimmery light gray.loser.cheap makeup some more lah.im gonna get M.A.C black eyeshadow.or maybe really dark blue.and im gonna get a refill for my revlon compact.and a new blusher since my loreal one is about gone.ouh,and please remind me not to buy mascara anymore since i rarely use it.

i cant believe i spent one paragraph on makeup.sheesh.makeup slut or what?hah.

i dont know why but i always get the giggles during lectures.and fuggly suzy will always turn her head 90degrees to the left/right(since you cant turn any more than that) based on where we are sitting down just to glare at me.fuck you lah.think you so high and mighty uh?your tudung so long you can wrap a mummy with it.ugly.i hate ugly people who do not use makeup to cover their flaws since they are ugly and all.okay im sorry.but i really hate stuck up people lah.eeyeer.

im supposed to be fasting today.but im hungry.so im breaking.iman not strong.

♥





Sunday, July 19, 2009 ♥
oh man.i miss reading so so much.im so not goona eat next week and save money for my library fines.oh man.oh man.i can barely eat without a good read.maybe this is an advantage eh?i cant sleep.boohoo.

♥





Saturday, July 18, 2009 ♥
eversince rita told me about the makcik who comes aknocking on the door,im so scared to venture out to the living room especially around this time.brr.i got my accounts marks.its the highest so far.and its such a disappointment.bleachh.im reduced to staying wide awake at night since ive got no more books to read.i lie on my bed staring at the laptops screen.i have run out of websites to go to.except of course,porn.hahaha.


i hate silent rooms.it gives me time to think.thats why you dont really see me as a silent type.becoz everytime im silent,i get my brain juices working.and it scares me when i come out with ideas that are seriously crazy.im paranid,that i much admit.im scared of the future.im scared of what might or might not happen in a year's time or even as close as in a week's time.

y'know,sometimes i wish you had more guts.more feelings to splay out.i rather you hurt me then leave me wondering.so as i sat here thinking as i lay on my bed,what would happen if we totally stopped talking.if we ignored each other.if we refused to acknowledge the other.damn.it feels like haziq's era.the time when i botched things down till they're shits and then we saw each other with blank dead eyes.emotionless.if i could turn back time i wish i could.seriously

stuffs i wish i could stop before i did it:

-distributing the consent forms to mr liew's badminton club.i was left with one piece and he said he printed exact copies for his members.and i regretted not leaving the extra piece in a classroom.

-not studying for PSLE.miserable grades.my "bffs" went to prestigious school and all i got was a freaking neighbourhood school known for mats and minahs.

-stupid stuff with haziq.me and my big mouth.fuck!i was seriously infatuated(if you could accept that) with him.i was a tomboy before sec school.so when we started the ball rolling,i was so happy.seriously.i'd wait religiously for his sms.i was those pathetic people you were begging to slap just to snap me out of it.and i couldnt stand myself for the whole year.yes,sad to say,he might have been my first love.true aint it when they say you'll never forget your first love.i never did though i try.

-i hate myself for being ultra sensitive.and because of that,i lost 4 months i could spend with izzati.



there are so many regrets i have.but i cant change them.i just hope for the better.

so where do we go from here?how do we try to find our way back?do we continur or do we stop?questions with no answers.i hate you as much as i hate myself.i dont seem to cry openly in front of friends anymore,except izzati.

♥





Thursday, July 16, 2009 ♥


dear ahmad,
i dont know how to proceed with you.we have been the best of friends since 2005.i remember each and every year ever since.you were there for me when i was down.but never did i remember being there for you when it was your turn.so is that my fault now tat i don't know nuts about you.
2005 was the year we met.i hardly knew you.but the thing that touched me was when no one remembered it was my birthday and you gave me a present.giving me the present was not the main criteria of me choosing you as my bestie but it was that you remembered enough to pop out some quick cash to buy it.of course my other friends apologised and i have since forgot as much as i could about that incident.we were partners when it was seat assignment.haha.i remembered you hiding your freaking small body behind the chair and sat next to me just so you could skip out from seating in front.
i gave you a birthday present that year too,but i finally finished repayment march of next year.credit this into accrued expense.haha.so 2006,you tried to leave izzati with me so we could end the feud we had for four freaking long months due to a stupid incident which i was the petty party.that was nice.we even had bets attaining to 2 dollars on account if one of the other insulted each other.you calling me G and i calling you P(which did not quite work for you were growing by the day.pfft.puberty.what it does for guys and what it doesn't do for girls)we teased each other,saying the other's shoe was freaking lame.New Era?haha.so when i changed shoe,i laughed in your face.we parted off at the end of the year with promises to not forget each other.or so it thought.
2007 was kind of miserable for me because i did not have you or izzati or noridah in class.i would always look across the classroom and see you and izzati having fun along the same block.and i always felt left out.the only times we were together was during malay lessons.that too was kind of suckish to me because there were the 6Js.the concept of 6Js amused me and i thought it was just a stupid "clan".so what?you were calling yourself brothers for life and what not.it matured you alright.from a fuggly boy(pardon me) to a quite respectably hot guy.that year,my birthday sucked alot.and i told izzati who told you.you asked me what happened the next day.and our(mostly mine) tearful conversation kept getting interupted by your "leader".he wanted to ask you for the group date 6Js were going to have.you were going to be paired off with sharizan.and i kept thinking,why can't he just wait until we finished talking before he asked you out.and being "loyal" that you were to 6Js,you kept breaking off our conversations to talk to them.and i got a little fed up.thanks a lot.i know how you feel when you have to divide time with your "new" classmates and the "old" ones.but i sort of felt this wall i have to face you when talking to you in front of 6Js.you say i was prancing around like a "wannabe cute" girl and i should stop talking like that because 6Js don't like it.but that was me.i can't change myself because you felt embarrassed by my actions.putting me in that situation always gets me feeling off.i feel upset and uncomfortable and i keep quiet.i hated malay lessons eversince.it's a now onder my results fell steadily.my malay teacher hates the geek class and doesn't try to include them in her conversations.haha.how freaking silly i felt after hearing all those conversations she had with 6Js and their feelings.i hate teachers who show favouratism(spel?).the fun things were about "mary" and "jane".and going home with you after cca.i'll wait for you to finish soccer practices after my choir and we'd go home and strategise and plan and everything.i really liked those parts.
2008.year of the Os.study,mug and concentrate.had study sessions after school which we didn't do much but eat burger and drank cold milo.it was this year that you started contacting with "jenny" after she hurt herself.you were pissed off with the guy who dropped the shutter on her.so it was true then.you really liked her.you panicked when she started trying to find out who was contacting her.and got me to try to stop her attempts.sat for Os.
2009,this year.you were MIA and barely contacted.it was only the new year message i got,that showed me the old you that i knew.the new one?i don't know him.you were my on and off bestfriend.either here or not.we set up many dates.did not go through.except one.we watched a chick flick which you claimed was crap.haha.true,guys don't like chick flicks.then the last time i saw you was on izzati's party.that too was so hard to organise.i suck at organising.i give up every time a problem crops up.i turned to syamsi because you weren;t there to pick up my calls or reply my sms.that night was for finalisation.every one was go.i changed the date because only you can't make it.i wanted my bestfriends all to be present on that day.i was devastated(this was too small a feeling for me at that time).i called syamsi and cried to him.and he told me he'd rectify the matter.and true enough he did.but i couldn't sleep that night after our "first fight".i didn't want you to feel forced.i just wanted everyone to be happy.so the party came and went.at the party i could feel this "tension" between the both of you.i felt it was my fault that neither both of you enjoyed the party that much.but maybe it was just me.so after the party,we parted ways.went to different polys and got new friends.tried meeting you but only succeeded once.that was the last i saw of you.we smsed each other.but it was always me initiating contact.why?we had jokes.we had fun.but we never met.
the thing with today was heartbreaking.i asked if you could spare me a little of your time for me to see you and to know you're fine.i only get to know you through izzati and that too is little bits and pieces of information gathered over time.so why did she have to bear the burden of your dislike for letting the bit about your lost laptop off to me?not only do i get information secondhand,i get to be the guilty one for making my bestfriends angry with each other.i don't want to play this game anymore.im sick.i cry everytime i think of this.and its usually during those red light months.
my main purpose isnt to make you feel angry and cheated i blogged about this.its just for me to rant out stuff in my heart.there were good times too.i remember laughing at you at the carpark of causeway point when we all were eating chocolate fudge cake and izzati and me were communicating in Instant Messaging.there came a part of IDK,and you spelled out I D-E-C-A-Y?and that was so funny i doubled out laughing.and then there was the time you just came back from work and was on the train.we agreed(actually it was just me) to wave at each other as you passed my block.i saw you on the train in the yellow polo tee and waved like a maniac.and then we called each other ang giggled like crazy.
i miss you like hell.i seriously do.i may sound like a love sick fool but im not.im just a "concerned" friend if oyu would have it.maybe after all this,im just paranoid about friendship.youv'e been there for me when izzati and i fell out.we never had major fights because you refuse to let me stalk off and sulk.now im asking you would you please forget my mistakes and can we start on a brand new page?im tired.seriously.
im crossing my fingers and trying to cross my toes too just to hope it works.this whole thing sucks.


its touching isn't it?writing like this.boy,i hope someone shed tears over these because i think i just flooded my room with my tears.i think after i finish my homeworks,im gonna do some serious deep welling in my bed.
on a side note,i really wish syamsi a good health very soon.take care dear best friend.get up soon and maybe i'll let you punch me and curse me.

♥





♥


this sucks.
coming second to your new friends.
do you need me now?
forget it.

♥





♥
im dead tired.
im super tired.
i wanna sleep.
i hate accounts.
i super hate accounts.
i managed to finish tutorial 7 in 3 hours amidst of blog-hopping and facebook-ing.
i still have tutorial 8.
shit.
its 6 questions.
forget it lah.
i want sleep ready.
kite copy-copy sajelahhh.

♥





Tuesday, July 14, 2009 ♥


you smile when you talk about her.
you really mean it.
you really care.
i'm happy,i guess,for you.
maybe this is the one.
but i can't help feeling green with envy.
i wish someone talked to his best friend about me the way you do to me.
it seems the subject is all i hear from you,whenever i see you.
i think i know how you felt when i talked about ahmad.
but ahmad's my bff.
i hope all works out for you.
i'm really hopeful.


it's not fair that your new mates get to see you more than i.
it's not fair that you willingly spend more time with them than i.
it's not fair that i have to ask about you and not vice-versa.
it's not fair when i do the work.
we hardly see each other.
never bump,never call.
so why do i miss you when i don't think you do me?


today was fun with helium.
"i wanna vomit"
syamsi,please stop saying i look like a divorcee.

i'm on a sabbatical from reading.
okay,so my account was suspended.
so fuckin' A what?

♥





Monday, July 13, 2009 ♥


get me get me get me.
for my seventeenth,please get me..
a cake(since i always don't get a cake..)


a bohemian skirt.


weave bags(ive been trying to get my hands on these for sooo long.always no money one.budet.)


chunky bangle.gold plated please.


prada lg phone.
its not just a phone,its PRADA.





coach canvas tote bag.
pretty right????????
i want can?



btw,on the way home,an ugly man stepped on my toes.
now its fucking painful and has a blister on it.
say sorry also like no use.
say half-heartedly.
stupid ass.

then while walking,these two minahs-no-future walked pass us.
stared at us like trying to pick up a fight.
i was raring to.
please lorr.
you effing stick thin.
then want fight with me.
i think i weigh 23456754 times heavier than you lah.
assuming,shes very light lahh.
not i very heavy.
then your eyebrows like knnccb.
dont overuse your shaver can?
let the brows grow,losers.
then got tattoos some more.
please lahhhh.
i like tattoos okay.
your tattoos are miserable.
some more,looks as if you asked your friends to help you draw for free,or maybe for sexual repayments(im bitchy,i know).
it was a spade in a box.
then you tattoed your face.
in the first place,your face wasnt pretty enough to begin with.
tattoo-ing it didnt make it any prettier.
idah called them people with no hope.
maybe you dropped out of pri school coz you cant cope with basic maths.
boohoohoo.
no wonder people look down on malays lahh.
*rolls eyes till clock strikes 12.

keh im done.
im still cursing that man who gave me the blister.


♥





Sunday, July 12, 2009 ♥


ahmad just changed his number.
so we texted.
me:why are my best friends changing number?(since izzati also did change her number)
ahmad:the world is changing my friend.
me:ahhahahaha.and as usual,im left behind.probably due to our weight differences.seeing how i cant seem to catch up with you guys.
ahmad:haha..cock sia u.


♥





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i can finally upload photos into blogger!
yay!
so thats why all these pics are here.
foooooh,tired dook.
so those were from as recent as sentosa trip to as early as transformers.
yeahhhhh.

i organize my pictures into folders.
there're no stray pictures found outside of folders.
there are a total number of 14 picture folders which i give them names.
idah has her own special folder.

i just watched a few early bits of White Chicks.
haha,laugh out loud funny!
wait a minute!
we're shaving our legs.
and braiding our vaginas!
funny!!!!!!!
your mother is so stupid,she exercises when she can go for liposuction or something.
your mother is so dumb,she goes to Gucci and asks for Fendi and stuff.

we just saw your new video at Saks in the security office.
Klept-HO-maniac.
White Chicks is my all time number 1 classic comedy.


sigh.
tomorrows school again.
back to not paying attention and waiting for breaks.

















♥





♥

i hate the smell of beer.
and red wine.
and stout.
and anything that has alcohol in it.
except of course,perfume.
yeahhh.
especially the perfume i tried out today.
the red bottle with the cute ball for you to press.
man,that smells gooooooood.

we trained to bugis just to eat ljs.
-.-
then trained to kranji.
then to cwp.
i laughed so much today.
especially in the train when we saw this pak haji headbanging to his mp3.
probably he was listening to zikir.
ahhhhaahaha.
or maybe it was metallica.
yeahhh.
my gramma listens to avenged sevenfold.

♥





Friday, July 10, 2009 ♥

my body is weak from yesterdays monkey and captain's ball.
and my feet has ultra thin and small cuts from running on the coarse sand.
we should have played on the imported sand one.
oh well.

so yesterday was sentosa trip.
i baked chocolate cupcakes with while chocolate chips.
which didn't turn out well.
because i didn't add an ingredient and i the base was a tad burnt.
but it was okay.
so said everyone.
i brought 24 and i returned with 15.
can lahhh.

i miss ahmad like hell.
sms-ed him yest night.
i wanna go out with him.
last i saw him was 10 april which was izzati's party.
pffftttt.


porkys!

joanna's camwhoring session.
i love her macbook.


i took pictures at sentosa.
but it turned out fucking ugly.
ahahahaha.
im so fat lahh.
im gonna marry someone rich and do a lipo or something.


i've noticed funny stuff when im in the train.
when im not reading or listening to music.
ive heard a mom scolding her son who is on the phone about his magazines.
how she doesnt want to see his magazines anymore.
and i f she does,he's gonna get out of her house.


ive heard a lady complaining to her friend how her husband is not being faithful.


ive seen a man scratching his groin for about 3 minutes then scratched his nose.


ive smelled a drunk who is a chain smoker stinking the whole cabin.
i abhor smokers who are really heavy that the smoke smell is permanently attached to their breath.


i hold my breath until im blue when someone coughs or sneeze in front of me.
H1N1 what.
baaahhh.
singaporeans.
can't love them,can't stop loving them.


we have a new ptn.
he's such a braggart(is there such a word? root word: brag. use as an adjective. meaning:to show off.) lahh.
so what you travel 70 over countries.
you read as much books as me in a year not?
ahaha.
so yesterdays pacc was cut short an hour.
yessarrr.


i saw my econs test marks.
64.
C-.
my itab is a B-, 72.
can lahhh.
i can't wait to see MOB.
confirm i flunk punye.


okay.
this week i didnt see noridah.
noridah,where are you?
you never sms me.
never call me.
never send me email.
never go online.
why??


on a very bright note,
i had one of the best dream yest night.
it was sweet.
and i woke up with a great big grin on my face.
and i was wishing it to be true.
but dreams are the opposite of reality ain't it?
shucks.


okay im done.
im gonna post entries in school since thats the place where i can post pictures.
pictures will be updated soon.
xoxoxo,
farhanah

♥





Tuesday, July 07, 2009 ♥

i'm in the library now.
with friends.
and i cant upload pictures on blogger.
why?

so weekends were busy.
saturday:
went out with idah to haji lane for photography outing.
was okay i guess.
since i cant take pretty pictures of buildings with my digi cam,i camwhored.
went off to bugis street to walk.

sunday:
met larry at sheng siong.
went home,fried stuff with ma.
soon seng and shu hui stopped at my house,collected the food and off we went to yew tee.
cabbed the way through.
cab ride was fun.
the driver accidentally overshot the taxi at a junction and i screamed my lungs out.
then i laughed it off and had conversation with the driver.
me:so uncle,what time you finish driving?
uncle:morning about 2-3.
m:you ever picked up strange people?
u:so far no.
m:hmm,maybe today is you're lucky day.
u:wahlaooo.

and i laughed my ass off.
ms ong was sweetly surprised.
and i cracked into laughter so many times i lost count.
reached home at 11 and slept through.

school on mon was such a bore.
i was so sleepy.
and rita gave me cupcakes.
nice!

and i have got no point for this entry.
izzati told me to post stuff.
i think she's the only one who reads my blog.
very sad eh?
she has such a sad life also.

♥





Friday, July 03, 2009 ♥

im done with msts.
yessar.
so went to jurong lib after school.
returned my books.
went on the catalogue to find susan elizabeth philips.
trained to bishan to get the book by her.
i have read about 2/3 of her collections found in national libraries.
and i got Honey Moon in bishan.
and i didnt regret the long time spent in the train.

Honey Moon was great.
i teared up,i laughed and i smiled.
yes,books can do that to me- reduce me to tears.
and i finished the book in 5 hours.
i totally love susan elizabeth's books.
they are romantic comedies that are seriously laugh out loud.
and i dont mind reading it many times.
its like harry potter and twilight.
addictive.

everyone who knows me knows that i love reading.
and im totally available for you if you asks me to the library.
totally.
except now my account will be suspended.
sighh...

photographys outing tmr.
followed by class gathering on sun.
busy seyy.
okay.
im blank on what to post.
i had the idea just now.
and my post was gonna be intelligent and not crap.
but again.
shit happens.

♥