Saturday, July 18, 2009 ♥
eversince rita told me about the makcik who comes aknocking on the door,im so scared to venture out to the living room especially around this time.brr.i got my accounts marks.its the highest so far.and its such a disappointment.bleachh.im reduced to staying wide awake at night since ive got no more books to read.i lie on my bed staring at the laptops screen.i have run out of websites to go to.except of course,porn.hahaha.
i hate silent rooms.it gives me time to think.thats why you dont really see me as a silent type.becoz everytime im silent,i get my brain juices working.and it scares me when i come out with ideas that are seriously crazy.im paranid,that i much admit.im scared of the future.im scared of what might or might not happen in a year's time or even as close as in a week's time.
y'know,sometimes i wish you had more guts.more feelings to splay out.i rather you hurt me then leave me wondering.so as i sat here thinking as i lay on my bed,what would happen if we totally stopped talking.if we ignored each other.if we refused to acknowledge the other.damn.it feels like haziq's era.the time when i botched things down till they're shits and then we saw each other with blank dead eyes.emotionless.if i could turn back time i wish i could.seriously
stuffs i wish i could stop before i did it:
-distributing the consent forms to mr liew's badminton club.i was left with one piece and he said he printed exact copies for his members.and i regretted not leaving the extra piece in a classroom.
-not studying for PSLE.miserable grades.my "bffs" went to prestigious school and all i got was a freaking neighbourhood school known for mats and minahs.
-stupid stuff with haziq.me and my big mouth.fuck!i was seriously infatuated(if you could accept that) with him.i was a tomboy before sec school.so when we started the ball rolling,i was so happy.seriously.i'd wait religiously for his sms.i was those pathetic people you were begging to slap just to snap me out of it.and i couldnt stand myself for the whole year.yes,sad to say,he might have been my first love.true aint it when they say you'll never forget your first love.i never did though i try.
-i hate myself for being ultra sensitive.and because of that,i lost 4 months i could spend with izzati.
there are so many regrets i have.but i cant change them.i just hope for the better.
so where do we go from here?how do we try to find our way back?do we continur or do we stop?questions with no answers.i hate you as much as i hate myself.i dont seem to cry openly in front of friends anymore,except izzati.
